The Friedrichsbad

Man, Rick Steves had this one right.

Yesterday morning, Elise and I walked three doors down to a large stone building and plunked down €29 each. We walked up the stairs together, then split up -- she to the women's dressing room, me to the mens. I entered a small dressing compartment and stripped nude; then, through another door, there was a locker with a key and a towel. Put my stuff in the locker, take the key out and strap it on my wrist, then the towel and I go through another door to the attendant who helpfully describes the process in english. There're seventeen stages.

1: Shower. One minute under a very powerful shower (think one of those "amazon" showerheads with unlimited pressure) with some soap, like a short version of what we do every day.

2: Warm-air room. These two rooms form the "Irish" part of the "Roman-Irish Bath". About 130 degrees, you lay on a bench for fifteen minutes and start to sweat.

3: Hot-air room. At 156 degrees, the sweat comes pouring out of you. Five minutes is about all you can take of this. In these two stages (2 and 3), look around at the gorgeous tile-work.

4: Shower. Just a quick rinse-off to prep you for the next phase.

5: Soap massage. Lay on your back while an attendant asks if you want a "hard or soft brush" and then proceeds to soap-scrub you all over ('cept your nethers, of course) and give you a light massage. It lasts about three minutes, then you flip over, then another three minutes.

6: Shower. Rinse off all the soap. Feels pretty durn good, that!

7: Warm steam room. A very humid 114 degree room, you sit on a pad and sweat freely. Ten minutes.

8: Hot steam room. Five minutes at 120 degrees. Breathe deeply and notice that you are totally uncongested, and your lungs and throat just love all that steam.

9: Warm bath. This 97 degree water feels marvelous! Soak happily for about ten minutes.

10: Whirlpool bath. At 93 degrees, it feels a lot cooler than the previous pool. The three large grates release tons of air bubbles and give you a gentle massage as you soak for fifteen minutes. This pool is combined, meaning you might run into the opposite sex here. I was hoping to see Elise here, but we didn't get there at the same time.

11: The kinotherapeutic bath is the big central pool. At 82 degrees it feels quite cool and refreshing. I actually whistled when I first stepped in, and the pool's occupants smiled back at me. This pool is also communal, but after this you're back on your own. Spend 5 minutes here.

12: Shower. Three minutes of warm downpour. Oh, so lovely.

13: Cold pool. 64 degrees. I think I spent about six seconds here, just a dunk. After all the warm stuff this felt like a polar bear swim.

14: The attendant hands you a hot towel and you dry off and relax for a few minutes.

15: The creme room. You help yourself to lotions and while I'm not normally a lotion guy, I gotta admit it felt "sehr gut."

16: The relax room. This was my favorite part! Dimly lit with yellow lights, the attendant swaddles you in a towel and a blanket and you spend 30 minutes lying still. It feels positively pre-natal. There was some commotion outside that kept disturbing me, but even so, it was quite lovely.

17: The reading room. I didn't avail myself of this, but Elise did. She says "Magazines and music and gorgeous setting, this is mainly a room to wake you back up and prepare you to re-enter the world."

We also had longer, specialized massages. I opted for a full-body, while Elise got a back massage (all the women were booked for the longer sessions.) The guy grabbed my hands and said "Hmm. You store your stress in your shoulders and neck, and you work in computers." Elise said her masseuse zeroed right in on her stress spots, too. I suppose that's the sign of a good one!

Was it worth twenty years of dreaming? You betcha. Next time I end up on this side of the pond, I gotta figure out how to get back here.